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I always have been normal at everything.  Simply normal.  Whether it was studies or cooking, quick learning or dancing, also at being smart or popular. I was simply as I can say NORMAL. It was this truth that had been hidden beneath me for so long. It was hard for me to admit it to myself. Even when I scored better marks than my brother, I was not at all smarter than him. He was an excellent orator. He was maestro when it came to charming the crowd and used to enthrall everyone around him with it, where I was shy and stage conscious. My parents believed that it was just fear of audience and could be over come if worked on. But I just couldn’t and always wanted to remain hidden in the ever increasing crowd.

Shakespeare believed that the world is a stage and we human beings actors. Everyone wants to be popular. It’s a tiring wish of every homo sapien. Well, some of you may disagree with it. But at one point or the other those longing to see glory for once want to be the sole owner of the stage and the audience dying to give you your ear. I also wanted that euphoria, that joy of being popular….once. I tried hard to be like those popular ones…..the ones every one notices and wants to be with. But every time the fruits were tasteless and success seemed like a distant dream. When I had no will to do more I started to dream. Big wonder full dreams. In one dream I was all grown up, charming, smart and off course successful.  Everyone around me wanted to talk to me. It was a beautiful dream. And I had become a dreamer. For hours and months and years I would be lost in my own reverie. It was easy getting lost in this depthless rabbit hole but the worst part was coming back to this appalling reality. I became an Alice lost in her wonderland…..who wanted to stay lost.

But, somewhere up in heavens the old monk was watching every thing.  Some one a lot of us refer to as ‘God’. I always had been a religious believer in my own way. (I’ll blog about it some other time.) But as I was saying, the grand old man was keeping a close watch and then lo and behold he smiled and before I could get trap in the labyrinth of my never ending dream he woke me up and showed me the sunshine. Pardon me being melodramatic but he did show me a way. I woke up from my dreams. It was that day my life changed for forever...For good... Truth like cold water splashed on my face. I was not only dreaming but also living someone else’s life. It was not me. I was never born to be the celeb or ever belong to the jock group. It was just a gleam. My world, my life and my thoughts were different.  I was not made for this life. After that day I knew what I didn’t want from my life. But the answer to what I wanted still remained a mystery.

As fickle minded I am, I started running on any path that led to happiness. I was again lost. But, hope was still with me. After ticking off many exciting future fields I was starting to lose me again. And then the eternal sunshine came with a golden pen in its hand.

There was something from the beginning that I ignored every time. It was my own imaginative thoughts. All my dreams were an answer to all my questions. It was never meant to be coloured....it was the serenity of black over white that enthralled me.... penning down any thought that crossed this fickle mind of mine was my silver lining. Earlier during my adolescent years my mind created fantasy stories. I was the protagonist and everything around me was magical, imaginative and yet realistic. It was strange yet comforting. 

This self realization changed everything. When earlier I tried to blend in the social structure now I did the opposite I did what I wanted to do. I read literature in the middle of math class and designed plots during chemistry tuitions.  When everyone around me spoke about conventional stuff, I found my solace in the beautiful words written by others. They started calling be weirdo unaware that every accusation made my thought process more imaginative and my creativity cross several horizons. Gradually things changed around me. Every thing started to blend in with me. I became a sought after intellectual in my own way. And it was all because I was what I was and not anyone’s distant shadow.  I did what I was good at and everyone viewed me as a special individual.

Everyone one of us has something special that makes us different. We all are different but our self conscious comes hinders our growth. It tries to change us every time we want to explore new dimensions. But its will and skill that can make you different and special.

Steve jobs once said “do what you love. Don’t stop searching if you don’t find it. Keep looking.

Don’t be a victim of a fickle mind; it will somewhere in the end destroy you.  Fall in love with your passion and the world will be yours .“